Something I feel like running my head through a wall. My head constantly gets in the way of everyday life for me. Perfect days can turn into bullshit days and then become perfect again. The life of a Bipolar maniac like myself. Sometimes I wish I could just toughen up and rub dirt on it and go on with my day. Im far from perfect so I can just cant do that. I am a man made of flesh, muscle, bone and a few other not so glamorous elements. Some days the walls feel like they are closing in and there is no escape from getting crushed. Some days you feel like your best just isnt good enough and it even lets yourself down. Some days I just feel like hiding from the world and everyone involved in my world. Sometimes when my days go like this I sing the song My War by the mighty Black Flag and it just brings me back to life. This is my war.
That’s where working out comes in to play and has a place in my heart. Even in my darkest times I know that when I am done that there will be some sort of light because it is the one thing that is 100% mine. That hour of gripping iron is mine and no one can touch it. The iron has been part of my war longer than any friend or companion and will only leave me if I let it. My choice and no one can change that. If not for staying true to the weight on my back I don’t think I could have carried the weight and anxiety of touring around with my band. Even in my loneliest times I know that I can turn to a Barbell and suffer in silence. With out weights I don’t think Music would have existed in my life like it has. My life is filled with anxiety that tries to rip out of my chest like a beast and without an outlet like the iron or the microphone I would be dead. This is my war. What is yours?
-just a man